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Novel Ends but Life Will Not

After reading the novel serial, you may want to know whether Grace and William have finally worked out. Here is what Salina, the match maker told us:

Two months later:

  • Salina

Today Elizabeth told me that Grace has found a boyfriend. His name is William. I laughed, ”wow, that’s a big gossip to talk about!” But only God know what I was really think about at that time

Research shows that people are having trouble retrieving its cognitive process. This is really true to me. I cannot explain why I acted like that. It seems as if I genuinely feel happy for them. Nor can I tell what I was really thinking about at the moment I heard this news. Rationally, I do not think I am in love with William but as a good friend who knows both of them, I cannot help to have the counterfactual thinking: what if I were perusing William too, will I take the place of Grace? Did I miss some wonderful experience? Life itself is a trade-off. One cannot have everything: two good friends or a date and a rival. I have to choose.

However I cannot bless Grace and William with all my heart because I believe without using the tactics Grace cannot win his heart. I cannot help thinking that William can find a better girl who devote her true heart without using any tactics and who are prettier and smarter than Grace.

After all, tomorrow is another day, the story should have an end, but real life will not. Whether using tactics in dating or not. It is all your choice.

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Defend your love: Be Alert of Preference Reversal

Man love to talk about their dates: “she is gorgeous”, “She cooked a delicious meal for my birthday!”, “and She is ‘wild’”. Every time, they describe their dates, some new criteria to evaluate a date has emerge. These criteria include such being good at cooking, having a good sexual performance etc. Every time, they talk about their dates, in every man’s mind, he is comparing his date with others dates using these new criterion. These new evaluation is not may not always be favorite to you because there can be a preference reversal.

Preference reversal was first found in psychology and it is used to challenge the existing economic theory about the stableness of people’s preference. This theory shows that preferences for choice A are shifted after being juxtaposed with B because B has introduced a new criterion that the evaluator fail to consider when judging A alone.

Anyways, what matters to us is how it works in dating context. To put it in simply language, it means when thinking about your merit individually such as attractiveness; your William will think you are the best in his heart. However, when accidentally comparing you with his friends’ dates or even some other women, he will find that other merits you do not have such as being good at cooking are also very important. Then, you are devaluated in his minds. Next time when he meets someone who can cook well and is no less attractive than you are, he will prefer this woman instead of you. Though he may not date her soon, your status in his mind has been lowered.

How to solve the problem? There are two approaches: go with the flow and meet the new criterion, or take control and introduce new criterion

1 .Try to meet the new criterion

Suppose that he found being good at cooking is a merit that a date should have but you do not. Learn to cook and let time know that you are trying to improve. It is simple but tiresome.

 2. Introduce another criterion

If you are an independent woman and do not what to make a change for him, you can show him your merit that other woman do not have and win him back. Maybe, you can play violin. At the beginning, he does not realize this merit but you can show him and compare yourself with other woman who cannot play violin but can cook. Proving that knowing to play violin is more important than being able to make a delicious cake. By introducing another criterion, in this case, ability to play violin, you can win an extra credit and improve your status.

Remember, you are the best. What you only need is a little tactic to show it.

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Case Study: Library, a Good Place or not

Lovers at school sometimes cannot find a good place to date. They have school works but wanted to be together. William and Grace’s decided to go to the library. Is this a good decision or not? Let’s see

  • Grace

I wanted to see William again after the “billiard class”. I know he is a hardworking guy so I decided to meet him in the library.

I stepped in the room he usually stays and saw him. I politely said hi to him and sat across him. The distance is not too intimate or extraneous. The library was quite, I can hear the sound created by the pen in my trembling hand. Besides that was William typing on his silver laptop or writing on his scratch paper. Sometimes, he was holding his chin, staring at the screen as if he was stuck in a difficult problem. He was listening to the music. What song did he play? With him sitting close to me, I cannot concentrate on the paper I read. I stood up, approached a computer and searched for other papers to read. For a while, I missed him again so I went back to my seat. I did not know how many minutes had past.

We stayed together until the library closed at five. We took bus home together. He was sitting next to me. We were talking and laughing as if we were already a couple. William was supposed to take off the bus one stop earlier than me. Sometimes I also took off there because I was afraid of crossing the street without the traffic light. The former stop had the traffic light and the two stops were pretty close. In fact, this time, crossing the street was a mere excuse because it was still bright outside. I mentioned it only because I wanted to spend some more time with him. William took my excuse seriously and insisted on taking off with me and sending me home. So he did.

  • William

It was a relatively warm day so I went to the library as usual. Though I did not have projects to do, I still needed to put myself in a learning state. I love this room in the library. The bookshelves around the wall created a perfect environment for learning. After the noon, the sunshine flashed through the colored glaze falling on the table. I felt I was in a church instead of library which made me feel peaceful.

The sudden sound of high heel broke the peace. I looked up and saw a girl in red coat and grey furry hat. It was so Grace that wherever she went, there cannot be tranquility. I was surprised by the fact that I was delighted with knowing much about her. “Hi”, still the mesmerizing smile, I smiled back.

It was not a good idea to stay in the library with beautiful girl. I could not fully concentrate myself to the work at hand. At first she was reading something in her tablet, underlying something on the screen. Later she brought out Plato’s book and read. I knew it because she ever showed her thoughts about Plato on Facebook. I ever tried to read the paragraphs but I failed. I shall never understand what this kind of book talking about I was supposed. But Grace can. She sometimes smiled, still the mesmerizing kind as if she found some interesting thing. If we were not in the library, I must have asked her about the content and let her talk with the smile.

Time went fast. To me concentrate myself, I plugged in my earphone and listened to some music but I still could not stop thinking about her so I stood up and went to the vending machine to get some drinks. In the following hours I was in a flow with my work until I heard the librarian announcing that the library would be closed at five.

Now let’s answer the question: whether library is an efficient place to date or not? The answer is yes and no. If you want to study, go to the library alone. If you want to date, library may be a good place to stay. Anyways, it is all your choice.

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Case Study: Learn Something from Him

The sweet thing about man is that they always have high self-esteem and a warm heart. Therefore, one way to get closer to them is to learn something from them. Find some skills that your William can do well but you know only a little such as billiard.

After the “cup of drink”, our hero William and heroine have become closer but were not lovers yet. To make the relationship one step further, Grace wisely picked a chance to let William teach her play billiard

  • Grace

I went to the gym the day after the karaoke night. I knew William will always be there around eight so I did so. The billiards drew my attention. I wanted to play it but I was a total amateur. As I expected, William came and saw me so he joined me or to be precise taught me how to play the game.

I put my thumb close to my index.

“This is like the trajectory.”

“Put the cue on the slim part of your finger else it will hurt.”

I hit the ball and it did not go as expected. I bowed down and verified the direction. I could see William’s cue showing me the right trajectory.

“Look at my cue. Yours need to be parallel with that. ”

I heard the ball falling into the pocket. “

“You need to think about the location of the cue ball if you are confident about shooting the first one. It should be around this area.”

I looked around and found the blue object ball met the requirements. No the trajectory was a little tilted. “Shoot the direction of my finger tip! ……You did a good job. It was my fault. I put the finger in the wrong place. Try it again! Catch the cue ball”.

I put the balls back to its original location and shoot again. I made it!

I tried to calibrate and find my next object but I can’t. What is my next object? Or I should play it randomly? I asked.

“It is not necessary to attract in all the turns. You can also defense or prepare for your next shoot. ”

I got it. !

  • William

I went to the gym as usual and unexpectedly saw Grace playing billiard awkwardly. She cannot control the balls’ direction. I have learned to play billiard since high school so tutoring an amateur was a piece of cake. Besides, I ever taught Salina playing billiard last year but Grace was smarter and quicker to learn. She would jump up like a little kid if the target ball went into the pocket as expected. Her excellent performance motivated me to play well. Sometimes I could make double hit that I was not intended to. Even so I still failed Grace for two runs. Admittedly, every time she made a stupid mistake such as miss or jump shot I will allow her do it again. We had a great time together without realizing that it was almost ten o’clock.

On our way, we talked about graduation again. She said she was hesitating whether to skip the grade or not. “Life here is lonely. In a small town, no much entertainment, no place to visit, no much friends, the only thing I can do is going to the library and study. ” She did not seem to love the life here. “Skipping the grade is cost efficient, right?” “Yeah, but staying here longer and finding a summer internship are more rewarding.” I realized that I was trying to persuade her to stay. “Yeah, but……so I have not made up my mind”. It seemed that she wanted to give more reasons but did not say it. “How I wish I could stay here longer!” So just stay! I exclaimed in my heart.

We soon arrived at her house. “So, just here, thank you! See you! ” Grace walked in front of me. When she looked back at me and said goodbye with her charming smile, I lose the ability to smile back.

The sound of her high heels ticking the wooden stair echoes with my heavy heartbeats.

You see, how smart Grace is! She used mere exposure effects and appeared at the exact time and place that William usually go. She also let William teach her play billiard so they had a great time and their relationship moved forward.

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Case Study: How to Have a Successful Conversation

Usually having a nice talk especially privately is a good way to improve a relationship. That is why in the novel, William asked Grace to have a cup of drink. The problem is the two people are not very familiar with each other and both of them are uncertain of their love to each other. What they can talk about privately? What we can learn from their conversation?

  • Grace

I can hardly control myself when texting “Yes” when I received Williams’ message for a cup of drink. What he wanted to talk about? What can I tell him and what I cannot?

We went out of the karaoke and there is a coffee shop nearby. The warm candle light seemed like a fireplace. It reminded me of the Little Match Girl. The love, the feast and the dreams are merely fantasies. When the match burn out, she died though with a smile. Will the candle burn out too? Sitting opposite William, glancing at the candle, I was in daydreaming again. William’s gentle voice breaks the silence.

“What would you like to have?” He passed me the menu.

“Tiramisu and cappuccino, thanks.” I answered without reading the menu.

“You like Italian dessert?” William asked.

“Yes, I have been to Italy once.” William had found a good topic to start that I did not want to miss

“How’s it like? I wanted to go there too! Do you have some suggestions about the place to visit, the food and anything?”

William seems enthusiastic about this topic so we continued. I told him the Colosseum, the Pisa tower, the ice cream shop near the Fontana di Trevi, everything about Italy except the meaning of Tiramisu, pick me up and take me home.

  • William

Grace accepted my invitation immediately. I did not want to get her drunk for the first private meeting so I took her to a café nearby. The romantic atmosphere was good to create an illusion of dating.

It was a renaissance style cafe. There were some replicate of famous Italian paintings such as Mona Lisa. Grace was not intended to talk first so I passed her menu to avoid embarrassment. She ordered two most traditional Italian desserts so I got the chance and started the conversation. She seemed tacitly understand my meanings so she proposed a topic: her trip to Italy. She was gradually getting more talkative

“Outside of Rome collosseum, there are many people wearing Rome traditional costumes and pretend to fight each other. ”

“That’s cool! Did you take some pictures?”

“Yes! Let me show you some picture in my phone.”

Every time a topic on the verge of depletion, either Grace or I asked the questions or proposed a new related topic. It was a pleasing conversation. I can feel that both of us were interested in the topics and eager to talk more with each other.

From the conversation in novel we can learn that a good conversation needs a topic accessible to the two people. A trip to Italy is a topic Grace is familiar with and William is interested in. The relevant environment, an Italian restaurant also makes the conversation going naturally. On good thing the lovers did is that they kept coming up with new topics and express an eagerness to talk more with each other.

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Case Study: Leaving a Cue to Him

In our story, now Grace and William have developed a positive feeling towards each other but they are not sure whether the other feels the same.

Several days after they first meet, Salina, the matchmaker in our story suggested going to karaoke together. This time, both of them are smart. They put their relationship one step further by leaving a cue.

  • Grace

On that day, I arrived early to warm up my voice. After about half an hour, William came with his friends. I was smothered by a charming scent. I was 100 percent sure that it was not cologne but the magic thing called Pheromone. I could immediately tell that it was from William. When he approached, I confirmed my sixth sense. I was horrified by this sense because whenever I can sense the charming smell of a man, it means I have fallen in love with him! It was 100% percent true in my romantic history. By the time I finished my song and I picked up my cellphone trying to compose myself by burying myself into it. I typed the following sentence in my Yik Yak: scent can never cheat.

  • William

Grace was singing a quite song by the time I came in. Her voice was elegant containing some sweetness within. The song was named Can You Feel My Love. It was a sad some telling a woman’s unrequited romantic affection while the man only sees the affection as friendship. Oh, is she implying me? I was shocked by my thoughts. I took a glance of Grace and she was looking at my direction too. Her gaze seemed to confirm my speculation.

I picked up my phone and text Grace: would you like to have a cup of drink?

Whether a man wants to pursuit a woman or not depend on two factors: 1. If she looks good; 2. If it is possible to date her. That is why leaving a cue is very important to begin a relationship. Grace intentionally warmed up her voice and chose the song to imply her affection. She also used her eyes to express her thoughts. William is also a smart guy that he quickly understood her and took action.

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Case Study: A Matchmaker Matters

Last week, I shared you the beginning of my novel A World Misunderstood. Grace and William have left a deep impression in each other’s minds in the party. After a dinner they began to play board games with other friends. You can see how the match maker Salina created some atmosphere that improves their relationship.

  • Grace

Pokers, chips, reflected the light into my eyes. Laughs, songs and cups crushed into each other roaring through my ears. Sometimes I saw an elegant hand went across my eyes, picking up the card in front of me. I cannot help but leaned forwards a bit as if I could be close to that fair object. However, as long as I approach to it, it disappeared soon from my sight.

The game lasted until next morning around three. Salina asked William to send me home on that day. When I went back from school at night, taking off the bus, I also have to walk along this street to home. I could always observe the dim light prolonged my shadow and swiftly shorten it as ghosts preparing to attack me but after I found them, they tried to hide behind me. When I turned around, I can see nothing, except the wind sweeping trees and grass. Sometimes I went home with Elizabeth. Her light shadow accompanied my dark one which made me feel safe. This time, William’s accompany made things different. When his shadow fallen on mine, it got darker. When the direction of light was right, it felt I was lying on his shoulder or he was holding my hands. It was late winter but I felt the warmth coming from my face, my hands creeping all over my body. “Look! There are so many stars in the sky!” William told me with excitement. Before then, I had never learned that I could look up the sky and appreciate the stars twinkling all around. The Crescent was no longer in the sky that night but the stars made me feel peaceful. With a genteel man like William accompanied, life was more than satisfaction.

  • William

Finally, it was time for board game. When playing Texas Poker, I was in a really bad luck. I lost most of my chips so I became the dealer because it helped to earn tips from the winner. We nicknamed it “intern” and the winner the boss. It was a fun thing to do. It did not have much win or loss compared with Texas Poker so Salina suggested that we could guess the name of the songs she played. Whoever did it right can win one bucks from the other three. The first one was Taylor swift. Taylor was the shared memory of our generation. All the familiar melodies reminded me of the good old days in middle school as well as in the college, the unrequited love, the gains and losses, the romantic dreams about a perfect relationship. Was that because I major in science so I did not have many girls around? Why all the bachelors in my door at college eventually found girlfriends except me? Is that because I was a coward that I did not confess my love to my dream lover? Or had I put too much effort in my study?

When I was day dreaming, Grace had guessed two songs right. As I had expected, she was smart in music. The first was a pop song and the second was Carmen Suite, the torpedo motif. In contrast, I had no idea about classical music.

Salina asked William to send Grace home and that’s how Grace confirmed her love to William. It was still Salina that proposed to guess songs which provide a chance to show Grace’s talent in music. A friend, a match maker really matters. Find your Salina to help you date your William!