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Have someone in your mind but do not know how to date him? Congratulations! You came to the right place. In DateWilliam, you will learn many “scientific” dating tactics and you will also read a novel about how a young Woman dates with her Mr. Right. 

Follow me on Twitter @DateWilliam  and you will receive all the updates of my blog and my quick though on dating.

Time for question:

Question two: Who is William?

William Shakespeare? Prince William? Yes but no. William is any one you what to date with. He is also the hero in the novel you will read. A charming smart guy? Yes, just start dreaming about your Mr. Right!

Question two: How am I?

A NERDY SOCIAL SCIENCE BAD BITCH. I know there is too much information here. Let me explain:

Nerdy

I’m a MBA student in university. MBA is not Master of Business Administration but “married but available”. Seriously, I mean I have a date now but I’m still looking for others. I’m also a nerd because I’m a big fan of social science theories: ELM, PKM, Dyverger’s law, Neo liberal institutionalism, conditioning, mere exposure…… Maybe you have not even heard of these words but that doesn’t matter. I will share you some dating tactics with these useful theories. They will help you date your William.

Social science

Psychology? Sociology? Political science? Everything included but most importantly, social science is for SOCIAL.

Bad Bitch

What kind of female can be called bad bitch?

1.Female who knows what she wants and knows exactly how to get it

2.Female who is always ready for anything physically, emotionally, and also intellectually(one being book smart as well as street smart).

3.One who is classy and all about business

4.Last but certainly not least one who knows how to take care of her man at home and in the streets and remains loyal to him(her man), herself, and the game at which she plays.

I know you are talking about me. Oh, I’m really flattered

More questions? Leave comments here and I will be right back.

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Practice-at-Intimacy Pathway: A Road to your first date

Some of my friends have already spent their 20th birthday but  they have not got a date yet. They are eager for a date but they have few male friends, let along a Mr. Right. Generally, they prefer to stay indoors and play computer games or watching TV shows. Or perhaps they do have male friends but these males are already in their friend-zone. I feel so pity for them and I am trying to figure out why.

Recently, I have learned a theory called practice at intimacy pathway. It means that in order to have a date one needs to go through the following steps:

Step 1:having a same-sex cliques( small group)

Step 2:having a  mixed-sex cliques

Step 3: Dating

Many of my female friends got stuck in step 1  because they never hang out males. Without exposure to the opposite sex, it is impossible to find a date( this only applies to heterosexual female). Even if the male you hang out with is not your type, you can know more males from them and you will gradually understand things from a male perspective, or at least know that male like and what they dislike.

In sum, if you are still an amateur in dating, try to hang out with a group of people with both female and male .

Good luck!

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To a Man, Why A Mistress Can be Better Than His Wife?

My boyfriend told me that I will never be able to be a mistress because I do not understand the advantage of a mistress compared with  wife.

Mistress is a disgusting identity. I’m not interested in being a slut mistress AT ALL. However, my boyfriend’s point makes me feel furious.  Did he imply that if I provide undesirable care, he would rather find a mistress?

His point is that:

  • For a married man he does not want to find a  woman who constantly remind him to drink less alcohol, take good care of himself like his wife usually do

However I believed that:

  • A married man needs someone to provide care to him when his wife cannot do. This is the moment when he is looking for a mistress.

How do you think? especially my male readers?

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Case study: Counter-factual Thinking can have side effect

Though I have finished my class this semester, as long as I learn some interesting scientific dating theory or I have some useful experience,I still would like to share my thoughts and my experience here with you.  The blog is not just for class but also to inspire thinking and improve your dating and relationship experience.

Yesterday, my friend told me that her boyfriend is having an affair. She and her boyfriend works in two different towns, 3 hours’ drive. They can just meet each other once a week. The third wheel is her boyfriends’ pretty colleague, they can meet each other everyday. As I talked about in my early blog, mere exposure effects is powerful.  My friend did not know what to do to save her relationship. She told me, she ever asked her boyfriend if she had an affair at the same time, would he break up with her? His boyfriend said yes. He added, only because he felt guilt now, he had not done so. My friend’s heart was broken at that moment. I felt sad for her.

This question is a counter-factual thinking. It is detrimental for a relationship in my friends’ situation. In psychology, there is a huge literature about counter-factual thinking. You can Google it in Google scholar. What I want to say now is that”

If you cannot get the answer that in favor of you from counter-factual thinking, don’t do so.

Maybe, my friend’s boyfriend had never thought about this possibility before she asked. Now the question created a change of meaning. He can’t help thinking the chance that he can finally dump her present girlfriend without feeling guilty. The more he thinks about that, the more likely he will take action and make the “what if” happen. For my friend, she know she could not get the expected answer before she asked. Besides hearing the heart-broken “yes”, she cannot get anything from it. What my silly friend! She wanted to get an “No” but rationally it is impossible.

The take home point of this real story is that: Don’t ask counter-factual thinking question if its realization is not in favor of you.If you don’t want it happen, do not say anything.    

May God bless my friend!

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[Confession] Identity Conflicts

My dear friends,

Thank you so much for supporting my blog for the past few weeks!

You may find that the owner of the blog is so different from the person in you know offline. I apologize for this confusion. I have to admit that this blog is for an online writing class and building a blog personality is a part of the assignment. That is why I exaggerated the claims and acting like a nerdy bad bitch in my blog especially in my novel.

You may see some familiar elements in my novel and you may feel the characters are someone you know in real life but in fact most of the stories in the novel is based on my imagination. I borrowed some plots from the stories I have read before and my understanding about personality difference. More importantly how the characters are thinking and doing are totally different from what I am really thinking.  Only for the sake of creating a vivid character I created their monologues and behaviors.

Now it is the end of the semester. Thank you again for your support!  If I have caused any inconvenience to you, I sincerely apologize.

Yours

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[Confession] Identity Conflicts

My dear friends,

Thank you so much for supporting my blog for the past few weeks!

You may find that the owner of the blog is so different from the person in you know offline. I apologize for this confusion. I have to admit that this blog is for an online writing class and building a blog personality is a part of the assignment. That is why I exaggerated the claims and acting like a nerdy bad bitch in my blog especially in my novel.

You may see some familiar elements in my novel and you may feel the characters are someone you know in real life but in fact most of the stories in the novel is based on my imagination. I borrowed some plots from the stories I have read before and my understanding about personality difference. More importantly how the characters are thinking and doing are totally different from what I am really thinking.  Only for the sake of creating a vivid character I created their monologues and behaviors.

Now it is the end of the semester. Thank you again for your support!  If I have caused any inconvenience to you, I sincerely apologize.

Yours

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Novel Ends but Life Will Not

After reading the novel serial, you may want to know whether Grace and William have finally worked out. Here is what Salina, the match maker told us:

Two months later:

  • Salina

Today Elizabeth told me that Grace has found a boyfriend. His name is William. I laughed, ”wow, that’s a big gossip to talk about!” But only God know what I was really think about at that time

Research shows that people are having trouble retrieving its cognitive process. This is really true to me. I cannot explain why I acted like that. It seems as if I genuinely feel happy for them. Nor can I tell what I was really thinking about at the moment I heard this news. Rationally, I do not think I am in love with William but as a good friend who knows both of them, I cannot help to have the counterfactual thinking: what if I were perusing William too, will I take the place of Grace? Did I miss some wonderful experience? Life itself is a trade-off. One cannot have everything: two good friends or a date and a rival. I have to choose.

However I cannot bless Grace and William with all my heart because I believe without using the tactics Grace cannot win his heart. I cannot help thinking that William can find a better girl who devote her true heart without using any tactics and who are prettier and smarter than Grace.

After all, tomorrow is another day, the story should have an end, but real life will not. Whether using tactics in dating or not. It is all your choice.

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Defend your love: Be Alert of Preference Reversal

Man love to talk about their dates: “she is gorgeous”, “She cooked a delicious meal for my birthday!”, “and She is ‘wild’”. Every time, they describe their dates, some new criteria to evaluate a date has emerge. These criteria include such being good at cooking, having a good sexual performance etc. Every time, they talk about their dates, in every man’s mind, he is comparing his date with others dates using these new criterion. These new evaluation is not may not always be favorite to you because there can be a preference reversal.

Preference reversal was first found in psychology and it is used to challenge the existing economic theory about the stableness of people’s preference. This theory shows that preferences for choice A are shifted after being juxtaposed with B because B has introduced a new criterion that the evaluator fail to consider when judging A alone.

Anyways, what matters to us is how it works in dating context. To put it in simply language, it means when thinking about your merit individually such as attractiveness; your William will think you are the best in his heart. However, when accidentally comparing you with his friends’ dates or even some other women, he will find that other merits you do not have such as being good at cooking are also very important. Then, you are devaluated in his minds. Next time when he meets someone who can cook well and is no less attractive than you are, he will prefer this woman instead of you. Though he may not date her soon, your status in his mind has been lowered.

How to solve the problem? There are two approaches: go with the flow and meet the new criterion, or take control and introduce new criterion

1 .Try to meet the new criterion

Suppose that he found being good at cooking is a merit that a date should have but you do not. Learn to cook and let time know that you are trying to improve. It is simple but tiresome.

 2. Introduce another criterion

If you are an independent woman and do not what to make a change for him, you can show him your merit that other woman do not have and win him back. Maybe, you can play violin. At the beginning, he does not realize this merit but you can show him and compare yourself with other woman who cannot play violin but can cook. Proving that knowing to play violin is more important than being able to make a delicious cake. By introducing another criterion, in this case, ability to play violin, you can win an extra credit and improve your status.

Remember, you are the best. What you only need is a little tactic to show it.